i have decided that my life goal is to be a designer for barbie. that i have neither design skills nor an artistic touch shall not deter me. if this plan does not work out, i can write up the little descriptions on the barbie collectibles website instead.

i must say though, i can't believe they made romance novel barbies. yes, there is a fabio ken, complete with long, gloss, wind tousled locks and a deep v shirt. and the complimentary swooning blonde in his arms, draped in yards and yards of billowy satin skirts.

i admit, i am quite the little girl at heart. why else would disney have such a hold over my imagination? barbie just happens to take it all to another level. ethereal fairy princesses clothed in gossamer thin layers, glamorously chic breakfast at tiffany's gowns, toga-draped greek goddesses in all their sultry glory. i'm twenty one and still can spend hours staring at pictures of the dolls i'll never have. though, as pretty as they are, they'll never hold the same wonder as my now bald skipper (i had a moment with scissors...), or my hula barbie missing both the hula skirt and matching bikini, or my adored ariel barbie in her purple rubber shells and sparkly green tail. those are what a childhood is built on. that, and the pairs upon pairs of itty bitty barbie shoes, bought from a toy store in taiwan just to satisfy my little heart. and my favorite amethyst dress, layers of sparkly purple fabric and glitter sprinkled tulle.

food, glorious food.

i was watching the importance of being ernest, and i had to turn it off. muffins. colin firth and rupert everett were fighting, and eating muffins. delicious looking, buttery golden, english countryside, eat-them-with-tea muffins. i tried reading. but then ella was given a thick slice of bread studded with nuts and fruit. that was all i got from a description, and still i was drooling. to make matters worse, i discovered the august issue of bon appetit, featuring "classy" blts and summer grilling recipes, light brunch ideas and a gorgeous berry yogurt crunch drizzled with ooey-gooey caramel. sigh.

and all i've been eating the past two (oh-so-long) days is tofu and eggs. why? well, because my dentist told me to wait on getting my upper wisdom teeth taken out, since they were coming in straight and all it would take was two little pulls to get them out. WRONG. well, wrong about half. which makes the healing process considerably longer. and while this experience has been infintely less painful (and swollen) than my previous foray into the world oral surgery, i'm still restricted to soft, squishy, malleable foods. which limits, quite strictly, the foods i can eat. i will forever hate eggs, pudding, tofu and mushy rice. okay, well maybe not forever. but i've definitely gone over my quota for the month.

also, under my mother's heavy influence ("you're an adult now! you have to get used to pain! you americans..." and here i think, yeah, three root canals must not have been a walk in the park. not to mention childbirth), i decided to go with just local rather than general anesthesia. if you have a weak threshold for pain, i would not suggest doing this. aside from the eye-watering pinches from two shots to the roof of my mouth (and four to the gums), the sounds were AWFUL. i could hear my teeth being crushed, and i definitely felt that root coming out of my mouth, novacaine or not. and i had to hear it twice. i'm sure i looked white as a ghost. with a distinctly green tinge. uggghhh.

they asked if i wanted my teeth. um, no, thanks. i'd rather not see the crushed bloody remnants of my mouth. i really don't need to bring them home like trophies. into the trash they go!

and a new rant. apparently, people at cbs think its a really, really good idea to stick a bunch of kids who haven't even hit puberty yet (okay, well 8-15) in a ghost town in new mexico. that's 40 kids, 40 days and no adults. O-M-G, chaos. i'm sorry, but how does this count as entertainment? they have to learn to cook and clean and take care of themselves, all while living with each other. and since when do 8-15 year olds get along with each other anyways? it's going to be a disaster, i know it.

and. riding on the successes of fantasy books to movies (i.e., lotr, harry potter, narnia and the not quite so wonderful eragon), the newest trailers i've seen feature the golden compass, stardust and the dark is rising. now, i can definitely understand the fascination with the golden compass. pullman's his dark materials are a wonderful, classic, makes it on to the summer readinglist trilogy. and full of enough gadgets and fantastical creatures to keep the cgi people happy. stardust...was not my favorite book. gaiman however is also quite creative with his story, as it centers on (you guessed it!) a star that has fallen from the heavens to earth, and the young man on his quest (of love, what else?) who must bring the star home. i'm actually interested in seeing what happens with this in a movie.

but the dark is rising. oh my. it's one of those truly classic series, written in the late 60's-70's, loosely based on king arthur. i don't know why, but it really bothers me that this is being made into a movie. opening with will discovering girls, for heaven's sake. it's kind of like when i discovered bridge to terabithia was being made into a movie, with an emphasis on the visual manifestations of the imaginary world leslie and jesse create. why mess with a good thing? the same with will stanton (who, shockingly, became american for the movie) and his very lonely quest as the last of the old ones trying to save the world from the dark. i guess i feel like there's some loss of the book's (and series by extension) integrity. they're trying too hard to appeal to the newest generation of bratz and hannah montana lovers, one that transformers and tmnt would appeal to, but not so much the classic literature that this movie is supposed to be based on. the sad thing? even with these movies, none of the kids will actually want to read the real series because the movies diverge from the books too much. it's barely recognizable.

i finally got around to reading the outsiders. it's one of those books that somehow slipped through my high school education, like half of shakespeare's works, which i still haven't managed to get through. hamlet and macbeth are on my to do list. but i digress. i'm not sure what i expected of s.e. hinton, but i have to say the outsiders was a fantastic read. by a 16 year old, no less. something that eragon fails to live up to, i think, despite the wonderous world, quirky names and magical creatures christopher paolini created for us. books that open up and let you slip effortlessly into a world, wherever and whatever it may be...i wish i had that power. to create and astound.

in other news, i saw ratatouille this weekend. and now have a wicked craving for the aforementioned dish. who knew animation could inspire such a real world reaction from me? despite the "want to rip my hair out in frustration moments" (and i mean, how many animation movies don't have those?), i still loved it.  mmm, food. there was also the cutest short that rivals "for the birds" (the one that played before monster's inc.). i shall have to wait for ratatouille to come out on dvd and own it. it was quite the visually stunning affair--pixar is simply amazing.

i have painted my nails, which now sport a color called "first blush." they are uber shiny, which should be a welcome distraction tomorrow when i sit in front of the computer staring into nothingness. if only there was someone around to talk to. life would be much nicer.

it's rather frightening to think how fast the summer's gone by. soon enough, i'll be back in apartment 3D, sleeping on my favorite mint green sheets in a grapefruit scented room, watching the new fall shows on the internet to my heart's content. and worrying about the future. but that will all come in time. for now, i shall plan more trips to the drive in theatre, walks through the endless conservation lands (walden pond and thoreau's cabin, anyone?), aimless wandering through my beloved little town, and random studies of historic houses and the lush green foliage that seems so much prettier now i've realized that the world i've always known is going to disappear all too soon.

the dinner conversation tonight was most interesting. it went something like this.

clinking of chopsticks on bowls, soft muted crunch of deliciously green asian vegetables and rice in three separate mouths. i am minding my own business, enjoying dinner in the usual silence when...

mom: why does my daughter not have a boyfriend?

in a mixture of chinese and taiwanese, of course. i'd diligently record it, but sadly, my pinyin skills are lacking. as are my taiwanese translation skills; if i remember correctly, it there are a lot of "g"s in the english transcription.

anyhoo, this lovely little statement on my mother's part was greeted by a blank look followed by disbelief (me) and a raised head (dad). and then the conversation that followed was mostly my dad saying "well, she learned from you" and my mom saying "yeah, i didn't pick too well, did i." -____- parents. i think the wedding coming up this week is weighing rather heavily on mum's mind, don't you think? it's one of my fellow chinese school-church goers from when i was younger. she's...four years older than me? or more. and getting married to a thai boy. i am not attending--i choose instead to spend my saturday either hanging out at home, or taking advantage of my freedom (and the car! no, not the van >.<) by making a foray to the the...library. or perhaps the mall. ugh. being at home means i get to sit quietly and listen to my parents regale me with stories about this and that person we knew from wherever before, and how successful said daughter or son has been in a) career, b) high salary, c) intelligence and the all important d) love life. this is not to say my parents don't love or support me. i think they do entirely too much of both. they say they don't care what i do or how much money i make, so long as i'm happy and can live on my own. well, that's good. the problem they have is that i have no concrete "plan," in my head or already put into motion. i'm currently trying to formulate one for the summer. and while i have half of one done, i'm still rather blank on what to do with the other half. and here i thought i juggling too much already! summer, school, graduation, life after graduation, salary, insurance...apparently, the plan has expanded to include the ever perplexing search for "the ONE." 

sigh. parents.

longed for him. got him. shit.

easy. just touch the match to